Mistakes
by ggfan78
Summary: What if Derek went to NY and it changed everything? What if they both gave into their underlying desires? What if he took it back?
1. Chapter 1

_**Hi Kids, just wanted to visit my friend Angst =) Hope you enjoy it.**_

Penelope carefully balanced her handbag and laptop bag as she dug into her backpack for her keys to unlock her front door muttering to herself for her lack of organisation skills. She groaned when her phone began to vibrate in her pocket. Without putting anything down she reached into her pocket to dig out her phone,

"Hello handsome. As always you have impeccable timing." Penelope greeted.

"Sweetheart, I keep telling you to keep your keys in the pocket of your handbag so you wouldn't have to go through this torture every night when you come home."

"Is that why you keep calling me at the same time every night, just to add to my aggravation knowing that I more than likely haven't listened to that piece of advice?" Derek laughed,

"I'm not silly enough to answer that question."

"Aha!" Penelope exclaimed finding her keys and successfully opening her door without dropping anything. She could hear him chuckle at her,

"Was there anything in particular you needed or wanted to say, or is it enough that I can entertain you with my routine." She asked dryly.

"Just checking in, making sure you got home okay."

"That's awfully sweet for somewhat who abandoned their best friend to move to New York to pursue his career." She teased.

"May I remind you it was said best friend who insisted, no demanded I go." Derek replied rolling his eyes at their familiar banter.

After Kate Joyner died they had offered him her position at New York, he was hesitant to take it and was more than willing to turn away the opportunity not wanting to leave his BAU family when Penelope sat him down and made him see that he was staying for all the wrong reasons. As always, she was the voice of reason in his head. She was quick to remind him that if he didn't like it, nothing was stopping him from coming back. She had a point.

"So what's new in Quantico Baby Girl?"

"You mean since our conversation at lunch time?"

"Should I be offended that you almost sound as though you're sick of hearing from me?" he asked in a mock hurt tone,

"You know that's not true. I'm just teasing. Nothing new, the Superheroes are on their way home now and I'm going to meet them at the Gallagher's for dinner/drinks and then the girls and I are having a Girl's Slumber party at Em's. You know chick flicks, popcorn, ice cream, the usual."

"Sounds like fun. I miss you guys." Penelope's heart went out to him, picturing that he was more than likely still in his office at the Headquarters, alone.

"Aww Hon, we miss you too. Are you still coming down tomorrow?" They had made plans for that weekend. He was driving in early Saturday morning and staying at hers before driving back Sunday night.

"Yeah P, I'll be in by nine. Did you want me to pick you up from Em's?"

"It's okay Hon, I have to drive to meet them tonight anyway, I'll meet you at my place at nine, unless you want to meet me at Em's and you can see the girls, though I can't promise you that they will be out of their PJ's at that hour."

"I'll meet you at yours. I'll see them tomorrow night anyway right?"

"Yep, we're doing dinner at Mr Fong's."

"Great. Listen I'll let you get ready P. I'll see you in the morning bright and sparky."

"I'm looking forward to it Handsome, it has been much too long since I last hugged you."

"Feels like forever P," even if in reality it had only been three weeks.

"So how is he?" JJ asked as they sat around Emily's living room in their Pyjamas. Everyone in their team knew that Morgan was in constant contact with Penelope.

"He sounds lonely, less flirty, maybe a little clingy?" Pen confided,

"Do you think it's an adjustment period thing?" Em wondered out loud.

"I don't know Em, it just sounds like he's lost the Morgan confidence he so easily strutted around before. I know he misses everyone, but at the same time I question if he's making the most of it there."

"It's a huge change he's had to make Pen. The bond we have as a team in unique and it's tough for an outsider to penetrate through it. We work so well and in tuned with each other that words are hardly necessary. Now he's a new city, new office, new team, no best friend."

"I know, and I don't discount that, but he chose to go."

"You talked him into it." JJ reminded her.

"My convincing skills are not that great Jayje, and if he knew what he wanted and he wanted to stay, nothing any of us could have said would have deterred his decision."

"Are you angry he didn't want to stay enough to know he wanted to stay?" Em asked gently sensing the root of her frustration.

"I don't know, maybe. I mean it is a great opportunity which is why I encouraged him to go, but I can't help but feel the whole time I was convincing him, he was looking for me to beg him to stay. I mean, on what grounds would I have to do that even if I wanted to?"

"I think maybe he's wanting you to tell him you love him,"

"He knows I love him and I have told him,"

"I don't think that's what Em meant Pen. I think Morgan wanted you to tell him you're in love with him and that you love him enough to ask him to stay."

"What? Are you drunk? Derek Morgan does not see me that way. I'm just his geeky best friend. Trust me, he does not see past that."

"And what if he did?" Em challenged. Penelope rolled her eyes,

"Then I will set up a trust fund for the child you have with Hotch!" she retorted. JJ burst out laughing, though there has been speculation and tell take signs of possibility of attraction between their Unit Chief and Agent Prentiss, nothing yet had evolved.

"Consider the white flag up," Emily grumbled as they laughed good naturedly. Penelope knew that was the only way Emily would give up the bone.

Penelope took a shower at the eight the next morning to meet Morgan by nine at her place. Dressed in her favourite, well loved jeans sporting the holes and paint marks of it's adventures, her Mafalda t-shirt, and Colourful sneakers, she dropped a kiss on both of her sleeping friend's heads before heading out the door. She could see his figure sitting on her porch steps as she turned to her street. He heart skipped a beat, it was good to see him again, and seeing him made her realise just how much she missed him. Seemingly lost in his thoughts he did not hear her approach.

"Hey Handsome. Where have you been all my life?" Derek looked up surprised knowing he was early. His face broke into a huge grin as he jumped to his feet and pulled her into his arms. Penelope wrapped her arms around his neck and breathed him in,

"God I've missed you." She murmured rubbing the back of his neck with her hand.

"Not nearly as much as I've missed you Baby Girl." He replied tightening his already bone crushing hold on her that she could barely breathe, but she didn't care. Derek raised her gaze to meet his hand cupping her cheek and lowered his lips to her. Surprised it took a moment for her brain to register what had happened before she responded feeling her own desire taking over as she kissed him back. Within moments they were in her apartment, in her room, on her bed. Needless to say there was very little thought going on, and as badly as Penelope wanted to be thinking with her head, she gave into her need of him.

When Penelope woke up, her heart dropped to find that she was alone. Her heart raced, what had happened changes their dynamics and there was no turning back. She got up and as she feared, he was no where to be found. A note however sat on her kitchen table with only the words 'I'm Sorry' scrawled on it.

Penelope was torn from being angry, to upset, to hurt. She berated herself for not stopping it. She cursed herself for giving into her own desires. She was angry at herself for thinking that maybe just maybe, for a brief moment he felt the same way. Penelope dragged herself to the shower and sat there for an hour, in attempt to drown away the voices arguing in her head.

Derek felt like an absolute ass, as he found himself driving back to New York. He knew that he should have stayed to talk to Penelope but he just couldn't. By two that afternoon he was back in his New York apartment. He had sent them all a text message to say that something had come up and he had to return to New York and that he would see them soon.

A few seconds after Penelope received that text, she received another one from him with another apology, 'I'm sorry Baby Girl.' Penelope turned her phone off and threw it into her bag. If there was anything work related, she had her pager. Until then she didn't want to speak to anyone, especially Derek.


	2. Chapter 2

Penelope never spoke of that day to anyone. Derek didn't call for a couple of days and when he did, she had purposely missed his call and not bothered to return it. She reached the point of anger and she wasn't willing to listen to anything he had to say. As hard as she tried to keep it from the office, they had all become aware that her direct line had stopped ringing as often as it used to, that she had taken to not answering her cell phone when a familiar tune began to sing from her phone. Not long after she had caught their raised eyebrows and questioning look she changed his ringtone, and using her fantastic hacking skills, she had managed to bar his calls altogether.

It was late one night and Hotch had returned to the office to pick up a couple of files before going home. They had just spent the last three weeks in New Jersey on a case and the jet touched down only twenty minutes before. Just as he entered the office he caught Penelope dropping an envelope on his desk.

"Garcia," Penelope jumped a mile startled.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. Penelope, what are you leaving on my desk, because if that's what I think it is, don't you think I deserve better than an official written resignation?" Hotch wasn't blind, he knew that something had happened and that his favourite Tech Analyst was unhappy despite her efforts to project the contrary. Penelope's eyes brimmed with tears,

"I'm sorry Sir, I just didn't know how else to do it. I was…"

"Hoping to leave that on my desk and slip into the night never to return?" he finished. They had seen Derek while they were in New Jersey. He had driven out to them a few times to have dinner. He too was off centre, and when he asked Hotch discreetly how Penelope was, he realised that they had not spoken for weeks.

"Do you want to tell me what's going on?" he asked gently while Penelope shook her head.

"No, I got myself into this mess and I will get myself out of it. I am begging you to please just understand that I can't be here right now."

"You don't have to quit Penelope, you can take as long as you want on leave." He tried bargaining.

"I appreciate that Sir, but no."

"Promise me you'll at least say goodbye to the others. They won't understand why you would just up and leave them, I don't understand."

"I know you don't and for as long as I live, I will regret disappointing you, but you have to trust me on this one. I have dinner with Spence, Em and Jayje tonight, you're welcome to join us." Aaron nodded knowing that it was the best he was going to get from her.

Dinner was relaxed and laid back. For the first time in weeks, Penelope was seemingly her old self and they were relieved, but Hotch knew differently. She was giving them one last memory of her, the Penelope Garcia they knew and loved, not the empty shell she could feel herself becoming as a result of the biggest mistake of her life. Garcia tried to hold back the tears as she hugged her friends goodbye. She lingered a little longer on Reid, knowing that her disappearance from his life would fuel issues of abandonment. She prayed that one day he could forgive her. Aaron walked Penelope to her car,

"Whatever it is Pen, we can help you."

"I know, but it makes things messy. He needs you too."

"We can be there for both of you."

"There are some things that you can't take back, that have a permanent consequence, and I am happy to live with those consequences but I will not drag you guys into the mess. I won't!"

"Will you at least keep in touch? Leave a forwarding address?" Penelope smiled.

"I'll be in touch. I promise." Aaron sighed and drew her into an embrace.

"You need anything, you call me."

"I will. Look after the kids okay? Spence especially, and give Jack a hug from Aunt Pen."

"Of course,"

"You're a good man Charlie Brown." She murmured giving him one last squeeze before tearfully getting into her car. Aaron watched as she drove off, knowing that it would be the last time he would see his friend, and he hoped that she knew just how important she was to him, to all of them.


	3. Chapter 3

When the team returned to work that Monday, Aaron had summoned them into briefing room. He had the tough job ahead of him. Penelope had not only left her resignation on his desk, but a letter for each member of the team. She had asked him in his letter to be the one to give it to them.

Curiously they all made their way to the briefing room, it was too early and JJ hadn't seen a file on her desk to suggest a new case. They looked each other worriedly as Hotch's almost always grim look, looked even grimmer.

"I don't know how else to do this, so I'm just going to say it. Penelope handed in her resignation on Friday night and she's left." Both JJ and Emily gasped as they looked at each other as if to see if the other knew,

"She has respectfully asked that we don't try and find her, that she will be in touch to let us know how she is. She has also asked that we do not tell Derek she's left. Now I know you must be feeling hurt and maybe even angry, but I ask you to remember who Garcia is and that for her to do this, she would have to have felt that there was no other choice. She's left each of you a letter." The shock was palpable in the room as they all stared at him in a somewhat alarmed stature. As he handed each of them their respective letters, he placed a hand on Reid's shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze. JJ was the first to leave the room, Hotch watched as she headed straight to her office and shut the door behind her. Reid and Emily followed. While Emily headed for her desk, Reid needed to see it for himself that it was real.

"I take it there's no point in driving to her house?" Dave stated. Hotch shook his head, it was the first thing he did after he watched Penelope drive off. There was a For Lease sign for her apartment and from the street he could see that the darkened apartment was empty.

JJ bit her lower lip as she opened the envelope in her hand,

"_**Jayje, I can only guess how you must be feeling right now and I am sorry. I know you're questioning my decision, and chances are you're pissed at me for just bailing, but I can only hope to one day be able to explain my reasons why. I'll be in touch. Love you always my friend, Pen."  
**_

Reid sunk into Penelope's chair as it became clear that it was true, she was gone. Every trace of Garcia had been stripped from the room, and all it was now was a dark room with monitors, no longer the sanctuary he found solace in whenever he needed sunshine. He tope open the envelope and his hands shook as he read,

"_**Hey Boy Genius, I'm not going to insult you by writing you a why and please forgive me letter. I know I owe you more than that, so all I'm going to say is, 'I think I'm going to miss you most Scarecrow'. I love you Spencer Reid and you make the world a better place because you're in it."**_

Emily had taken her letter up to the roof, she, JJ and Pen had spent a few nights up in the roof with a bottle of wine after a really hard case, it was a place that only the three of them shared.

"_**I'm sorry sounds lame, and certainly insufficient but that's all I have. One day, I hope to be able to explain it, till then I ask of you a favour… take care of him. You know of whom which him I speak of. With the exception of myself, he confides in you the most. Be there for him. He needs a friend. I suspect NY is harder for him than he's playing it out to be. You have been an amazing blessing to this team Em, to this family unit and you're the best girlfriend a girl could ask for. I'll miss you more than words could possibly express. Love you always, Pen." **_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Thanks so much for your awesome enthusiasm and reviews you guys!**_

She sighed and leaned back on her chair and closed her eyes. She was going to miss her friends immensely, she was even going to miss him, but after everything leaving was the right thing to do.

"Ma'am would you like a drink before take off?" the stewardess asked. Penelope smiled as she opened her eyes and shook her head. The stewardess nodded in acknowledgement and headed back to the front of the plane.

"Is this your first time going to Paris?" the young lady who looked about eighteen asked somewhat nervously beside her.

"No, I spent a couple of summers here while I was in College, one of my majors was French Literature and I was lucky enough to do a couple of the Summer programs. Is this your first time?"

"Yeah, I'm back packing for the summer. It's the first time I've left home on my own."

"You'll be fine. As long as you use your common sense and trust your gut instincts you'll have no problem." Penelope assured her.

"I'm Pen by the way," Penelope said introducing herself,

"Ashleigh," the young girl replied taking Penelope's hand to shake it.

"What do you mean she's gone?" Derek asked. He had stormed right into Hotch's office when he saw Penelope's bunker being inhabited by some tech analyst other than Penelope,

"Just that. She's gone. She came in a few weeks ago and handed in her resignation, effective immediately."

"Why didn't anyone tell me?"

"She asked us not to. I'm sorry Morgan, she asked very little of any of us, and if that was one request she asked for, it would be with good reason." Morgan had spent the last two months stewing in his own stupidity, he knew that she was barring his calls and emails as they always bounced back to him, but he had hoped that the time would lessen her anger. He admitted to himself that the reason he hadn't tried as hard as he could of, was because he didn't exactly know what to say, or how he felt.

"What happened?" Hotch asked quietly,

"I was an Ass." Was Derek's only response before walking out of his office, he was back at Quantico, after his three months in the New York office, he made the decision that it wasn't for him and asked Hotch to come back to the BAU.

Emily followed him to the lift, got in and pressed the roof access. Emily led his to the spot that was still sacred to her. It was where she went when she missed her friend.

"Do we know where she is? Is she okay?" he asked as his mind whirled with questions.

"She's doing okay. She emails to let us know that she's okay. She won't disclose where she is, but she checks in regularly enough that Hotch hasn't put a trace for her whereabouts. She called me once, when my friend Matthew passed away. How she knew, well I guess she's Garcia. It was comforting to know that she's still looking out for all of us you know?"

"_Hello," Emily answered her phone as she sat on the front steps of the church after they had taken into custody the priest that was responsible for Matthew's death. Emily could hear the crackling on the phone before she heard her friend's voice, _

"_Hey," Pen said hesitantly._

"_Pen?" _

"_Yeah hon, I just wanted to call. I know it's been a hard week for you, and I wish I could be there. I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you." _

"_I miss you Pen." Emily said through her tears, _

"_I miss you too Em." _

"What happened Morgan?" Em asked searchingly,

"That weekend I was supposed to come down and hang with everyone, I, we, we slept together." He stammered. Emily's eyes widened, though it was one of the scenarios she played with in her head, she never fully considered it, but the revelation made it easier to make sense of Pen's actions,

"And?" she prodded knowing there was more to it than that,

"I walked. I left her a note and went back to New York. I got scared and I bailed."

"Morgan, you idiot!" she said stating the obvious.

"It was like all my life all the other girls that came before weren't real, and the moment it happened, it was the realist moment of my life. That scared me. As I stared at her as she slept she held my whole happiness in her hand and I couldn't take the chance that she would wake up and realise we had made a mistake,"

"So you bailed? MORGAN!" Emily said exasperatedly smacking him on the arm.

"I tried to talk to her, email but she's barred me. So I thought giving her time might help."

"Oh Morgan, she thinks you thought you made a mistake. Pen's always had this thing of you not seeing past the technical geek best friend, that you would and could never see her as a woman. She thinks you regret that night and that you're ashamed of it."

"I messed up Em, and I don't know how or if I can ever fix this."


	5. Chapter 5

Penelope sighed after reading Em's email. She understood the reasons behind it, and that Em was trying to merely coax her back to Quantico, but all it did was make her more determined not to come back. Derek being back in Quantico after everything made her want to avoid it than draw her back. By the tone of Emily's email, she could discern that Derek had told her about what had transpired between them. Her insistence that Derek was desperate to talk to her confirmed as much, but she had nothing to say to him, she owed him nothing.

Derek had been back for months now, and though he suspected Aaron knew more than he let on, Aaron remained tight lipped. Though he had never told him what happened, and he was sure Penelope hadn't either Aaron had figured it out.

He knew that everyone still received an email from her at least once a month assuring them of her well being, and he knew that Em's pleading on his behalf fell on deaf ears. He understood her anger, and it honestly scared him.

Penelope had jumped on the first plane when she heard that Emily and Spencer were being held hostage at a Commune and that they were discovered to be FBI agents. She too had heard the beating that her friend received and it made her angry and upset her enough to jump on the next plane. She had waited for them at the hospital, waiting in the shadows, she had heard that they had gotten out alive and all she wanted to do was see her friend, even if it risked seeing him. Emily and Spencer meant more to her than that.

Emily was sedated and was unconscious in her room when Penelope snuck in. She had less than an hour till the rest of them would be at the hospital, they had sent Reid and Emily off in the ambulance, and Reid was still getting checked out. With tears in her eyes she walked up to her friend and took her hand in hers. Emily awoke at her touch,

"Pen?"  
"Yeah hon, just checking to make sure you're okay."  
"I hurt everywhere." She admitted.  
"I'm sorry hon, they've just given you something for the pain so it should kick in any time now."  
"Stay, please?" Em begged, fear clearly in her eyes.  
"I'll stay, get some sleep honey." Emily held her hand tightly hesitantly closing her eyes knowing the chances of Pen being there when she woke up would be slim. Not long after Emily had fallen asleep Reid was rolled in.

"Garcia," he said confused.  
"Yeah G-Man,"  
"What are you doing here?" Pen walked over to him and brushed his hair away from his face.  
"Just checking in to make sure you and Em are okay. I needed to see for myself you're both okay."  
"You're not staying?" he said softly looking away.  
"No sweetheart, I can't." Reid looked at her and nodded sadly. As her friend, he understood.  
"I miss you." He confessed.  
"I miss you too Spence. I have to go hon. I'll call you in the next couple of days okay. Take care of Em. Tell her I'm sorry I couldn't stay." Reid nodded giving her hand a squeeze before she slipped out of their room.

The rest of them team walked in to find both Reid and Emily fast asleep. Hotch was the first to notice the teddy bear clutched under her arm, and the stack of graphic comics by Reid's bedside. The rest of the team assumed it was one of them, Hotch knew differently. He slipped out of the room discreetly and went in search of his favourite tech analyst. She was about to drive off in her rental car when he found her. Aaron Hotchner got in the passenger side without waiting for her consent.

"Fine, but we're not having this conversation here. I can drop you back here when we're done."

"Okay," he agreed.  
"How's Paris?" he asked. Penelope looked at her former boss and let out a small smile.  
"I guess I should be thanking you for not sending the troops my way." Hotch shrugged though he may not agree with it, he understood it.  
"How are you feeling Penelope?" he asked. Penelope's gaze dropped briefly to her bulging stomach.  
"Well over the morning sickness, the cravings are hysterically disgusting, but it's been good. I can't say I love the way in which I got here, but I don't regret the results." Penelope consciously rubbed her belly.  
"I wish you would let us help you."  
"I know, and I'm sorry I can't. It hurts too much Hotch. He proved my insecurities loud and clear that morning. I still haven't recovered and I doubt that I ever will. He may regret hurting me and I know him well enough to know he does, but there's no turning back from that Hotch. There really isn't. My only regret is that you guys are the road kill of one bad judgement. I wish there were some way for all of us to co-exist, but I can't face him, not now. Not like this, I'm not ready. It's just too raw. You guys will always be my family and I will always love you, but I won't sit in a room with him. I wont!"  
"What if we made it so that you wouldn't have to? Just come home Penelope. I don't like the idea of you being so far away and pregnant. What if something happened? I don't like the idea that you're alone."  
"I appreciate that Aaron I do, but I'm not alone. Not really. I have a couple of friends who still live in Paris, and they keep an eye on me. They also know to contact you should anything happen to me. What exactly are you going to do, banish him from outings? Lie to him about your whereabouts? How long do you think it would take for my other well-intentioned friends to tell him exactly where I am? They think all it would take is for him to talk to me and this will be sorted out, but it's beyond that. I can't look at him Aaron."  
"When do you leave?" he asked,  
"I'm leaving on the red eye in a couple hours."  
"If you need anything, I mean anything. You call me, I don't care how far away you are."  
"Thank you Aaron."

Aaron slipped back in the room half an hour later, his heart aching for his friend, frustrated that there was nothing he could do about it. Doing as she was told JJ went down to the ER, under the pretence of picking up a file for Hotch. She gasped as she saw Penelope standing nervously by the door. Penelope knew that she couldn't not see JJ, so she had asked Hotch to send her down. JJ threw her arms around her friend,

"I've missed you Pen."  
"I've missed you too Jayje."  
"Oh my gosh you're pregnant. Pen, is it Derek's?" Penelope nodded.  
"What happened?"  
"Jayje, I don't have much time. I just wanted to make sure Reid and Em were okay. I just couldn't see them and not see you. Can I call you and talk about this at length? I can't have this conversation, not here, not now. Not with him here."  
"Okay, promise you'll call."  
"I promise." Penelope gave her one last hug before slipping out of the hospital remaining undetected by the one person she did not want to see.

JJ's eyes blazed with anger as she returned to the hospital room. Aaron had placed a hand on her arm and shook his head. He could see that she was ready to lash out at Derek and demand to know what he did to make her friend as upset as she is that she had fled from all of them pregnant.

"We'll talk later." He promised, his eyes begging for her not to say anything. He owed Penelope that much. JJ sighed and agreed reluctantly.

"Pen…" Em mumbled as she came to. Derek looked up at Hotch as though he suspected he knew the possibility of Pen being there was true. Hotch ignored his look pointedly and walked over to Emily and took her hand,  
"Hey Em, how are you feeling?"  
"Pen, she was here wasn't she?" Hotch nodded answering her. Derek jumped out of his chair and out the door.  
"He's not going to find her." Reid muttered knowingly.  
"No, she's gone." JJ answered placing a hand over his.


	6. Chapter 6

It was a quiet plane ride back to Quantico, as much as Derek wanted to yell at Hotch for not telling him Penelope was there, he understood. Just as he understood why she never wanted to see him again. He knew how deeply had hurt her, and for the rest of his life he will never be able to live with himself for what he had done. Despite of how scared he was, she didn't deserve to be treated as a one night stand, he was an idiot, and he knew it.

Emily insisted to everyone that she was fine, but Hotch knew that she wasn't. Though they had not yet crossed those lines, they had established a friendship, one that he cherished. He knew that she allowed him to see things, she sometimes even held back from the girls, and he knew that Penelope's absence affected her more than she admitted. Penelope was the one person that welcomed her into the team with her arms open wide. After Elle's departure, they were all hesitant with welcoming the new member of the BAU, him most especially. It was Penelope who had lunch with her every day for those first few weeks if they weren't on a case. It was Penelope who called her after each case to make sure she was okay, just as she did for all of them, but to Em it meant more than an olive branch, and Penelope's friendship meant the world to her. Despite her protests Hotch had driven her home to make sure she got in okay. He knew she was in a lot more pain than she admitted. When they reached her apartment Emily was surprised when her door swung open,

"Thought you could use a hand for a few days." Without a word Emily launched herself into Penelope's outstretched arms. Hotch grinned not expecting her to be there.  
"I've changed your sheets, and tidied up a bit. I've drawn a bath for you for when you're ready."  
"You're the best Pen." Emily murmured in her ear.  
"So I'm told. Now why don't I help you in the bath and I can send this one home." Em nodded looking forward to not being under the over protective watchful eye of one Aaron Hotchner, though she appreciated it, she couldn't break down in front of him, at least not yet.  
"Thanks for bringing me home Hotch." She said giving him a kiss on his cheek before heading to her bathroom. Penelope raised an eyebrow at him before following her friend in the bathroom. Penelope helped Emily get out of her clothes and gasped at the amount of bruises all over her friend's body.  
"It's okay Pen, it's not as bad as it looks." Emily said trying to reassure her friend, lying through her teeth. Penelope got her into the bath and dropped her lips to her friend's head before closing the door behind her, giving her some privacy.

"So what happened to catching you red eye?" Aaron teased gently, his gratitude shone from his eyes.  
"I figured she might need someone, and I also figured she would never let any of you guys help her, well maybe Jayje but even then. So I took a chance that my absence and her missing me would chip the armour a little and she'd let me help her."  
"Good call, I had to pull seniority for her to let me take her home."  
"That's Em." Pen said quietly,  
"Hotch, it goes without saying…"  
"No one's to know you're here unless you tell them yourself. I know. I've got your back." Penelope smiled as he finished her sentence.  
"Penelope, how pregnant are you?" he asked concerned that she was well over her third trimester.  
"You noticed that too huh?" she was well over her third trimester and she was only allowed to fly because she had threatened to scream bloody murder right then and there in her panic.  
"It was a chance I was willing to take, for Em, for Spence."  
"What are you going to do?" he asked knowing that the possibility of her being able to fly back to France was slim to none.  
"Well I'm going to try and get on a plane in a few days, and if that doesn't work, well I may just have to be a grown up and face my fears and come to face with my worst nightmare." She joked, not entirely amused by her predicament, certain she wasn't ready to see Derek.  
"Pen, if you can't fly back to France, you're more than welcome to come and stay with me, I have a granny flat out in the backyard, I keep it for Sean. I mean you're more than welcome to stay with me in the house, but if you'd prefer some privacy, granny flat is perfect, it has all the amenities you'll need, and no one will need to know you're there. Unless you're ready to come home where you belong and we can look for something more permanent for you."  
"I appreciate the offer, we'll see. And no pulling strings Agent Hotchner, you can't put word out at the airport to stop me from getting on the plane. I'll try it fair game first and if it's a no go, then I'll stay, at least till after Ari here is born." Hotch smiled,  
"Ari?"  
"Amelie Rose Isobel Garcia, I suppose Morgan." She added sadly,  
"Thanks," picking up on the significance of her daughter's nickname.  
"It seemed only appropriate. Rose is JJ's middle name, and Isobel…"  
"Is Emily's," he finished. Penelope nodded.  
"I might go on in and check on Em, you staying or going?" she asked.  
"I think I'll go. She won't be able to relax with me here."  
"She just doesn't want to worry you. You know there was nothing you could do right? That this wasn't your fault. She knew the choices she made, as hard as they were, she entered them with a sound mind."  
"As an agent I know that. I just wish she would let me in and let me take care of her."  
"She will, you just need to give her time. Old habits die hard."  
"Thanks Pen, I'll check in a little later." Penelope nodded and walked him out closing the door behind him. Penelope took a deep breath,  
"Em honey, do you need a hand washing your hair?" she asked through the closed door.  
"Yes please." She heard Em mumble. Penelope entered and sat on the edge of the bathtub helping her friend wash her hair,  
"You know Em, it's just us two now. You don't have to be a superhero for me."  
"I know. I'm glad you're here Pen. It almost makes it worth it somehow." Em said closing her eyes.  
"Thanks for being here Pen."  
"There's no place I would rather be." She replied sincerely.

Once Em was done in the bath Penelope had helped her into her pyjamas and knowing that the last thing Em would want to do is close her eyes despite how exhausted she was Penelope led her on the couch and took out Dirty Dancing, one of their all time favourite movies. Em grinned appreciatively. Just as Penelope was about to put the DVD in there was a knock on the door,  
"Pizza," she answered Em's questioning eyes.  
"You so rock!" was her reply.

Penelope appreciated that Em wasn't talking about Derek, though she knew that despite the pain and trauma she had been through, it would be on the forefront of her mind. When the prescription medication kicked in mid movie, Penelope suggested they move the movie to Em's bedroom. Penelope sat against the headboard of Em's bed as Em lay her head on Penelope's lap. Penelope stroked Em's head soothingly hoping it would let her fall asleep. A few minutes later Emily began to sob in her arms till she grew exhausted and fell into a deep sleep. Pen cleaned up the living room and got ready for bed. She thought about sleeping in the guest room but predicted the nightmares would come and Em would need her there when she woke up. From midnight onwards they came every hour and each time Pen gathered her friend in her arms and held her tightly.

Early the next morning, when Em's nightmares had subsided and daylight had come, she had gone into the kitchen in search of anything that she could make breakfast from. Finding the basics, bacon in the freezer, eggs in the fridge, and long life milk in the cupboard she began to make pancakes for breakfast. Just as she had expected Hotch came knocking at seven that morning bearing fruit, vegetables, juice, coffee beans and other groceries he thought Em may needs. As he put the groceries away Penelope didn't comment on how well he knew where things belonged.

"After, well, we've been spending a lot of time together lately." He explained. Pen noted that he had omitted the words 'when you left'. She gave his arm a reassuring squeeze and took out a plate that she had made up for him in the oven. He noticed that there were three plates in the oven, and that she had known that he was coming. Hotch smiled,  
"Are you sure you want to stick to being a tech analyst Pen?"  
"Not at all tempting." She replied.  
"So what have you been doing work wise?" he asked shifting the conversation.  
"Teaching would you believe? I teach Kindergarten. Being fluent in French helps a lot. I do freelance tech stuff, but I am loving the teaching, and in French it makes it more exotic somehow. There's nothing like berating someone in French."  
"You? Berate anyone let along a child?" he said in obvious disbelief.  
"I don't berate children, there you are right. French men, regularly." She answered amused.  
"I miss you guys, but I love my life in France Aaron. It's free of complication and most days I don't even have to try to forget."  
"Don't you think it would make you feel better to resolve this once and for all? I would understand why you would want to not have anything to do with him, but don't you want to move on with your life without this on your shoulders. Tell him he's an Ass, tell him you're carrying his child, if you don't want to have anything to do with him, tell him that too. I just think if you keep running you'll never truly be free. I know you Penelope, you'll never forgive yourself for depriving your child the opportunity to get to know her father."  
"I guess I'm not really part of the team anymore so I can't protest to inter team profiling." Penelope said rolling her eyes, though knowing he was right.  
"You know you'll always be a part of the team, more importantly, you know you'll always be a part of this family."  
"I know Aaron, and I appreciate that. More than words could ever express. Give me a couple of days with this okay?" she requested,  
"Of course Pen." He said covering her hand with his.

_**Thanks you guys for your awesome reviews!**__** I so appreciate them!  
**_


	7. Chapter 7

For the next couple of days Penelope stayed with Em and catered to her needs. Aaron had sent Reid over after he came to work insisting that he was fine. Grumbling Reid had no choice but to go and was more than pleasantly surprised that Pen greeted him at the door. Hotch had called to let her know he was on his way. Pen had sat down with him and tried to get it through him that it wasn't his fault that Emily was hurt, and after a little while it had begun to sink in. Hotch saw the difference in both Emily and Reid just by having Pen back in their lives. On the evening that Hotch sent Reid to Em's, Pen had asked him to send JJ over too.

Much to Penelope's disappointment, she was indeed too pregnant to be allowed to fly by any airline, and the rest of them rejoiced. She had taken Hotch's offer to stay in his granny flat which pleased her friends knowing that she was accessible to them. They had all agreed to let her handle Derek when she was ready, which she aimed to do after giving birth to Ari. She wasn't going to hide their daughter, but she didn't want to see the pity or the guilt in his eyes upon seeing her pregnant. She needed to say what she had to say without that look she knew he was bound to have.

Penelope barely had anything with her. She was lucky with one suitcase and her lap top. In her panic she hadn't paid attention to what she threw into her suitcase so Emily and JJ had taken her shopping before they got her settled in at Hotch's. When they went out to cases Hotch had left word for his neighbours to look out for her, and they did. By some luck they had succeeded in hiding her presence from Derek, they felt bad yes, but it was the price they were willing to pay to keep Pen around. She had promised to talk to him after Ari was born and they knew she would.

It was Aaron, Emily and JJ who was with her when she delivered Ari into the world. Despite the distinct darker skin, she was all Penelope. Blonde curls and all, she was adorable. Penelope cried as she held her daughter in her arms looking at the three people who meant the world to her, grateful that they were there to welcome the most precious gift in her life.

A couple of weeks after giving birth, Penelope knew it was time to bite the bullet. It was almost time to head back to France, and she knew she needed to talk to Derek before she could in good conscious resume her life. She had come with Hotch early one morning and left sleeping Ari in his office. Derek had walked into the bullpen as she sat on Emily's desk talking animatedly as though no time had passed. She looked different somehow. She had cut her hair short and layered, she had lost so much weight, and she was dressed in dark jeans and a plain blue sweater that brought out her eyes. There was a distinct new confidence about her that he couldn't miss. She had changed. Em sensed the change in Penelope's posture and guessed that Derek had walked in. She placed a reassuring hand on her lap and gave her an encouraging nod.

"Hey," was all he could say as he approached.  
"Hey," she replied jumping off Em's desk.  
"Listen, we should talk. Hotch's office?" Derek nodded as Penelope took a deep breath as he followed her into Hotch's office. Hotch looked up and excused himself when they entered closing the door behind him.  
"P, about that morning. I'm really sorry. I got scared and I panicked. I'm sorry I hurt you Baby Girl that was the last thing I wanted to do." Penelope looked as though he had physically struck her as he called her baby girl. Derek hung his head in shame, getting a glimpse of just how much he had hurt her. Penelope sighed,  
"For what it's worth, I know how badly you feel about that morning. After all you were my best friend once." He tried not to flinch as she spoke in the past tense.  
"It would be an understatement to say that it hurt, but there's nothing we can do about it now. It's done, we made a mistake, but it was a mistake that made us face the truth, that despite the flirting and how genuinely we care for each other, it just wasn't meant to be." Derek began to protest but she held her hand out asking him to let her finish,  
"I take full responsibility for my actions that morning. I knew I missed you. I knew that I loved you. I also knew the risk I was taking by going ahead with what we did that morning. You were my best friend, and I knew how you would react, in fact it was down to the note. As hurtful as that may have been, it was the truth. You just didn't love me that way, and it was time I learned that, otherwise how many more years would we have kept going? It certainly was a moment of truth that was a long time coming. I've been living in France since I left, and I love it. I'm happy. I miss the team, in a lot of ways I still miss you, but it's a habit I am learning to break little by little. I'm headed back to France in a couple of weeks, but I knew I couldn't go without telling you that despite how much it hurt, I have no regrets, that despite losing you as a result of it, I gained something. I gained a someone," Penelope walked over to Hotch's desk and bent down to pick Ari from her carrier. Derek inwardly gasped as he came face to face with his daughter. A complete spitting image of her mother, she was beautiful.  
"I could never regret that night because of Ari, my daughter. Amelia Rose Isobel Garcia. I haven't signed off on the birth certificate but if you're happy to have her take your name, I can add Morgan to her name."  
"We have a daughter."  
"I suppose we do, but I expect nothing from you Derek. You will always have access to your daughter, I would never keep you from her, but hear me now when I say I don't need you to swoop in and rescue me. I got this far on my own, and Ari and I are our own team and we will make this work."  
"I want to be a part of her life P. I want to be there, for the both of you. I want to be more than the guy on her birth certificate."  
"She's your daughter, you have a right to her. We can talk details later, talk to lawyers and make arrangements." Penelope said suddenly exhausted.  
"Can I hold her?" he asked. Penelope nodded and placed the sleeping infant in his arms. He felt her stiffen as his arm brushed up against hers.  
"I'll leave you two to get acquainted. If she gets hungry she'll howl, and there's a bottle that Uncle Aaron has warming up behind his desk. You're more than welcome to feed her, otherwise holler. I'll be downstairs." Derek watched as Penelope left the room and looked down at his daughter.  
"Hey Princess, I'm your Daddy. I'm sorry we're only meeting today, but your Daddy was a jerk to your Mommy and he needs to fix it, and I promise you kid I'll die trying."


	8. Chapter 8

Penelope knew that for Derek to be fully involved in Ari's life, it meant she had to say goodbye to her life in Paris. It was something she had always known, the only way she could have ever in good conscience return to Paris without turning back would have been if Derek said he didn't want to have anything to do with Ari or her ever again, which would have been the easiest out in the world. She had reluctantly agreed to come back for good, a fact that pleased them all. She and Ari went to back to Paris to pack up. Em had offered to go with her making the point that she could get more done with two pairs of hands rather than one. Emily could see how relaxed Penelope was when she was in Paris, how at peace and free of tension she was. It was like the moment she stepped off the plane, her worries were left on the plane. She was happy and carefree, the Garcia she had once known her to be. Though she knew that Penelope loved being with them, she no longer felt at home or comfortable in Virginia. Emily began to question if what Penelope was doing was fair for her. Emily agreed that Penelope should be back in Quantico, they all missed her, and that Derek should have full access to his child, but she couldn't help but wonder if they were going to permanently damage something in Penelope if they yanked her out of her safe place sooner than she was ready to leave.

"Aaron, I think it would be wrong to ask her to come home now. Her heart just isn't in it. She's doing what's seemingly is the right thing, but I have to question for whom. Derek can come to Paris to visit his child, we all can come and see her whenever we want to. I don't think it would be right to force her hand in something she's not ready for. He broke her heart, yes he didn't mean to, but he broke it. It's taken her this long to mend to the capacity she's healed, I don't feel right taking that away from her and that's what packing her up feels like for me." Emily explained as she called Hotch from Penelope's apartment. Penelope and Ari both had an appointment with her OB in Paris. Emily had feigned a headache to call Hotch and have a lengthy conversation with him.  
"I don't disagree, I felt that too as I put you guys on the plane. I'll talk to Derek. I'm sure he can be reasonable."  
"I don't think she plans on staying forever, chances are she'd be home in a few months, I just want to give her the opportunity to make that choice herself when she's ready."  
"Okay, I'll talk to Derek and call you back."

Hotch knew it was going to be a difficult conversation. Finding out Penelope had returned was a huge shock, and finding out they had a daughter floored him. He loved Ari immediately and for a man who swore never to have kids, Ari Garcia Morgan had her father wrapped around her little finger.

"Hotch, you called for me."  
"Sit down Morgan. I spoke just spoke to Em,"  
"Are Pen and Ari okay?"  
"Physically Pen is fine, but Morgan Em thinks it would be wrong to yank Penelope from Paris right now. She thinks that despite the progress she's made, she's not ready to come back to Virginia, to be here, to be near you. She thinks it would be a detriment to Pen. Paris is her safe place, and for all the wrong reasons, as a duty and responsibility she feels she has to come back. Are you wanting to ask her to give that up?" Hotch asked. Derek shook his head. He couldn't inflict more pain on Penelope than he already had. If it meant him going to Paris to see their daughter and try to win her back, so be it.  
"Hotch, if it's okay with you, I'd like to take some time off. A week maybe?"

Derek followed the directions that Emily had sent him. Emily had made up some excuse that Hotch needed her back for a huge case and that she would need to leave Pen to do her own packing, and Emily knew not to feel offended to see the look of relief on Penelope's face knowing that her friend was wanting some time to her own.

Penelope had literally just put Ari down when she heard a soft knock on her door, not sure who it possibly could be she was totally floored to see Derek Morgan standing outside her door. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door.

"Hey, this is a little far from your neighbourhood for you to wander through mine." Derek smiled nervously as he followed her into her small apartment.  
"I was just thinking, and I realise that it's unfair of me to ask you to come back to Virginia just because of Ari. I mean I want nothing more than to have you both close by, but I also know you've made your own life here Pen, and I can see in your face how much you love it here. I saw you walk in a couple of hours ago after you came back from taking Em to the airport and your face was so carefree and you had this joy that I haven't seen in a really long time. Then you saw me through that door and that joy disappeared again. I don't want to be the one to take your joy away P. I've already done that once by hurting you the way I did, and I can't bear to do it again. I want you in my life, I want Ari in my life, but I can work around it, and when you're ready to come home, come home. Until then, I can fly here as much as I can, and we can Skype so I can see her, you can show me pictures. It's not ideal, but it'll do for now. Also if you'd let me, I'd like to stay a few days to spend time with you and Ari."

To say that she was shocked would be an understatement. Of all the things she expected, she did not expect his consent, let along his blessing for her to stay in Paris till she was ready to come home. It admittedly chipped a little of her armour.

"You're welcome to stay for as long as you want to spend time with Ari Derek, and thank you." She said gratefully.  
"I need you to know Pen, I handled this wrongly, and I know that, but I love you. I'm in this for the long haul and if I have to spend the rest of my life trying to prove that to you, I will."  
"If only it were that simple Derek, you and Me loving each other. It isn't, it never was. If it was enough, it would have been. You and I both know you don't love me that way. Without a doubt in my mind, I know you love me, but you're not in love with me. That morning, however amazing the outcome was, and I will forever be grateful for Ari, was a moment of weakness on both our parts. We missed each other so badly that we mistook it for the kind of love couples build lives on, therefore it just destroyed us when reality hit the wall." She spoke so honestly that Derek knew that in her heart and mind, it was true. She didn't believe he loved her the way a man loved a woman. She didn't think she was worthy of it and it only made him angrier at himself, it was his fault that she felt that she didn't deserve that passion and kind of love in her life.


	9. Chapter 9

Having Derek stay with them somehow repaired some of the damage that was weathered. Penelope still kept him at arms length, but her anger had subsided to sadness. There were times when they would forget for a moment and be as they once were. Those moments Derek so cherished.

Ari adored her Daddy, and giggled every time she heard his voice, and it went without saying that Derek's whole world revolved around his daughter, and he was struggling with leaving her, with leaving both of them. He had ended up staying longer than he had planned, and in those couple of weeks that he had stayed with them, the three of them had developed a routine, there was a false sense of security that frightened Penelope. She couldn't afford to go down that road with him again, almost not having survived it last time.

She missed him, she missed who he was in her life, but having him as Ari's father was enough. It had to be enough. She couldn't and wouldn't allow herself to want more, or to expect more.

"P, if I asked you if I could stay for as long as it took you to come back, would you let me?" he asked her one afternoon, a couple of days before he was due to fly out. Penelope looked up her where she was folding Ari's newly washed clothes.  
"If it's something that you really want to do Derek, I can't stop you, I know that you don't want to leave Ari, but you have a career. You love your job, you can't put that on hold indefinitely."  
"What if I wanted to, what if all I want is for us to keep going the way we are, raising Ari together, what if being with you on any capacity is enough." Penelope walked over to where he sat holding Ari in his arms and put her hand on his shoulder,  
"You deserve more than that Derek. I appreciate what you're trying to prove but you don't need to. It's enough that you love our daughter as much as you do, you will forever be a part of our lives, you're tied to us and nothing can ever sever that. Ari will always be your daughter."  
"What if I said I want you." He said stubbornly. Penelope sighed,  
"Don't mistake your need to do the right thing as the right thing Derek. We've been down this road remember, it wasn't the right one."


	10. Chapter 10

Despite her initial protests Derek stayed for an extra couple of weeks, which is what he had remaining of his leave for the year. Before approving his leave Hotch did check in with Pen to make sure it was okay with her. Penelope reluctantly consented.

"Hey little Princess, shall we get you ready for the day? Maybe you and I can take a walk while your Mommy sleeps, we can pick her up some of those pastries she likes from LePain." Ari just gurgled happily at her father.  
"You know Daddy's going miss you and your Mommy. It's been so great getting to know you and hanging with your Mommy again. I want you to know how much I love you little one. Daddy loves you more than anything in the whole world. You and your Mommy mean the so much to me. You two are the most important people in my life, with Grandma, Aunt Des, Aunt Sarah and your little cousins. I know your Mommy doesn't believe me when I tell her that I love her, but don't you worry Princess, I'm working on it."

Penelope couldn't help but smile as she heard him over the baby monitor. It had been an interesting few weeks having him in Paris. He got to see her life in Paris, and be a part of it. She knew if she allowed herself to admit it, she would admit that she was beginning to appreciate having him around, and that frightened her. She heard the door close behind them a few minutes later. She knew there would be a note on the kitchen table for her when she rose from bed.

She resumed her life in Paris without the need to buffer it for him. He met her friends, some old and some new. She showed him where she worked and introduced him to her students who were completely enamored by Mademoiselle Garcia. More than that she gave him a glimpse of her life, and though it had been difficult, it wasn't all bad. She felt that he needed to see that for himself, that despite how events had broken her heart, she didn't stop living her life. She knew the guilt he battled with daily and after everything, she didn't want him to be consumed with guilt. What happened, had happened and yes it hurt, but having Ari left very little room for regret, and she loved her life in Paris. She felt like she had grown into her own person with her own life after so many years of cohabitating in his life and making him her world even if he didn't ask her to.

"Hey Em," Penelope greeted as her friend answered the phone.  
"Pen, I was just about to call you. I just walked in the door."  
"Great minds think alike and all. Listen, I was wondering if you and Jayje were up to coming up to Paris for a week or so?"  
"Oh, that sounds like fun! I'm sure if we give Hotch enough notice we can swing it. When were you thinking?"  
"Whenever you guys can come over is fine with me, I'm still on maternity leave."  
"How are things with you know who?"  
"Progressing, the need to want to throw something at him has long since passed. He loves Ari, and to me that all really matters."  
"How about for you Pen? Don't you want something for you?"  
"I have Ari, and that's more than enough." It was a well versed line that she spoke, one that made Emily sad, knowing that Penelope expected nothing beyond Ari.

Derek came in with a sleeping Ari in her stroller baring baked goods and the fruit infused Tea she loved so much.

"You certainly know a way to a person's good side Agent Morgan." Penelope complimented as he handed her his offerings. It wasn't lost to him that the most affectionate endearment she ever used on him was Agent Morgan, gone were the days of 'Handsome, Baby, Honey, and Cupcakes'.  
"I try." He replied.  
"So Pen, I've booked my flight and I leave in a few days. Thank you for letting me stay and hang with you and Little Ari,"  
"Derek, you don't need to thank me, she's your daughter and you have as much right to her as I do, which is why I'm going to move back to the States in a couple of months."  
"Pen, you don't have to do that. I know how much you love it here."  
"I do, but I trust that whatever I've built on my life will be sustained regardless which country I am living in. Yes, I love Paris, but I love Ari more. I know she needs you in her life, and it'll be great to raise her surrounded by people who love her as much as the team already does. I also know your Mom would love to have her close enough to visit regularly. This last year has been about me, about recovering from one of the worst moments of my life, which is what Paris has been about, but it's time. There's the danger of holding on to something so tightly out of fear too."  
"Having you guys back in the States would be great."  
"Derek, can I ask of you a favour?" Derek's gaze met hers,  
"Of course Baby Girl, name it."  
"I know you love me, I do, but can we maybe take some pressure of our situation and just try and be just friends? I'm not saying go back to what we were before everything hit the fan, because I can't imagine it could ever really be the same again, but I'd like for us to cohabitate as friends, as we sort of have been while you've been here. Your friendship means a lot to me Derek, and I guess what happened hurt as much as it did because of it. Can we take whatever 'THAT' is off the table?"  
"You mean altogether?" he asked. Penelope shrugged,  
"Can you really see us together? Take Ari out of the equation, would we ever have really worked?"  
"You already know I think we could, but if this is what you want, to just be friends, then I'm happy to respect that on the one condition that you don't close yourself off to the possibility that one day, you may just feel that way about me again." Penelope sighed, if he only knew that loving him at any capacity wasn't the issue, it was just allowing herself same moment of vulnerability that led them to Ari was something she was frightened of doing again.  
"Promise me P." Derek pleaded.  
"I promise," she relented hesitantly.


	11. Chapter 11

Saying goodbye to Derek was a lot harder than what Penelope thought it would be, but it was time for him to go, and time for her to end her season in Paris. Close doors, and be ready for the life ahead. She hadn't told the girls just yet that she was coming home, the only one she confided in was Hotch, who was thrilled to hear that she would be coming home. So happy that he approved JJ and Emily's leave as soon as he realised that Penelope had planned to come home with them. For the days and weeks that followed Derek and Penelope kept in touch via Skype, email and text messages. Derek never failed to tell her how much he missed both his girls. He had offered to let her stay at his knowing that she would refuse, so instead he offered the apartment across from his place which was being leased. Surprisingly she agreed. For practical reasons it made sense to have the father of her child across the hall, just close enough, and with enough doors to separate them for when she needed it. She and Hotch were negotiating on whether to return to the BAU but working solely from home. Little by little it was all falling into place.

Emily and JJ were thrilled to find out upon their arrival in Paris that Pen had indeed made the decision to head home and she was joining them on their flight back. After a week of tying up loose ends and showing the girls around, the three of them boarded the plane with Ari ready for the next chapter of Pen's life.

The rest of their team waited at the airport in anticipation of her arrival. Derek was beside himself with excitement looking forward to seeing his daughter again, seeing her again. Penelope's heart raced at the thought of being back in Washington for good. Being free of her comfort zones, no longer having the fall back of Paris should things hit the fan, as she was so scared they would. Sensing her panic Em draped an arm around her shoulder and gave her a quick squeeze.

"Everything will be okay, I promise." Penelope glanced at her friend and smiled, hoping she was right. They waved at their friends as they emerged and there he stood anxiously, with a smile on his face that still left her breathless.  
"Welcome home." They chorused. Penelope laughed as Spencer Reid awkwardly carried a huge balloon of Mafalda. In the midst of all the hugging she noticed that he had stepped back and gave her space.  
"Hey," she greeted,  
"Hey P." he replied kissing her on the cheek,  
"Hey Ari, looks who's here to pick you up honey. It's Daddy." Penelope cooed gently placing their daughter in his arms.  
"How's Daddy's little Lady Bug huh? You know Daddy missed you and your Mom so much." After releasing Emily from her welcome home hug. Aaron uncharacteristically draped an arm around Penelope as they walked back to the car letting the rest of them manouver their luggage.  
"You're doing good Pen. I know this is hard for you, and we're here to make it easier for you if we can."  
"Thanks Hotch, that means a lot. It's just a little overwhelming that's all. It's like I don't belong here anymore and I am forcing myself to you know?" She admitted quietly.  
"I know, it's been a long time and a lot has happened. You can only give it a go right? If it really isn't for you, then it isn't. But I don't want you to not give it a chance because you're scared."  
"I know, and I wouldn't have moved back if I wasn't willing to give it a fair go. I just, everything's so familiar, but really different. You know?" Aaron gave her shoulder another squeeze as Rossi pulled in with his SUV.  
"You girls are here, with Ari. We set up her baby seat at the back. The boys and I will follow in my car."  
"Derek you can ride with Ari at the back if you'd like. She looks like she's not ready to part with you either." Penelope suggested. Derek nodded happily taking his daughter into the SUV to buckle her in. Aaron opened the passenger side of the vehicle for her,  
"We'll see you at your place." He said giving her arm a reassuring squeeze. He planted a quick kiss on Emily's cheek before heading to pick up his car with Reid.  
"Em, why don't you go ride with Hotch and send Reid back here?" Pen suggested.  
"You sure?" Em asked,  
"Of course. Go!" Em grinned like a school girl and kissed the top of Pen's head before jumping out of the SUV calling out to Reid and Hotch. Penelope exchanged a wry grin with Rossi as she settled into her seat. Reid joined them minutes later as they drove back to Penelope's new home.

Penelope gasped when she saw her new apartment. She had told Hotch that her furniture was in storage and he had managed to have it all moved into her new apartment.  
"Thanks you guys," she managed to say before choking back the tears that threatened to fall.  
"Hey Lady bug, did you want to see your room?" Derek asked the sleeping infant in his arms. Penelope smiled as he led them to the nursery.  
"Derek it's beautiful." She said in amazement. It was pink and purple with fairies and butterflies. There was a beautiful wooden crib in the corner that looked like it had been restored with matching drawers and change table.  
"It was mine. My Mom kept it and asked if I wanted to pick it up, so Reid and I drove there one weekend. Hotch and Rossi helped with the restoration part."  
"Are you sure you don't want to keep it at your place?" she asked.  
"No, this is where it belongs, this is her home."  
"Thanks."

Penelope excused herself to get freshened up. Reid had put her luggage in her room, and she saw that it was set up almost the same as the way her old bedroom was set up. Her friends we're definitely into details.

Aaron and Emily arrived with lunch, and together they shared a meal, as they had done so time and time again. Penelope noted that Derek had not let go of his child despite the fact that she had been asleep since they had arrived from the airport. When she began to stir and was ready for a feed her friends made a move to go.

"Thank you everyone, for everything."  
"No problem Garcia, it's good to have you home. Call if you need anything." Rossi said as he kissed her cheek.  
"I'll call you later." Em said as she hugged her friend goodbye. Pen looked at Aaron and smirked.  
"Call me tomorrow. Hang out, I'll call one of you if I need you."  
"You sure?"  
"Yes, now go. Thank you." Aaron nodded and dropped a kiss on her head before ushering Emily out the door.  
"You'll be okay Pen, I promise." JJ whispered,  
"Thanks Jayje, I'll see you both later." Pen said appreciatively stepping out of their embrace. Derek handed Ari to Penelope knowing that she needed to be fed.  
"Hey is Mommy's little girl hungry? I bet you are, come on. Let's get you fed." Derek, unsure of what to do next headed for the door.  
"You can stay if you want, it's not like you haven't seen me feed her before. You can burp her and put her down after if you want. I know you've missed her."  
"Thanks P, I'd like that."


	12. Chapter 12

Due to Aaron's excellent negotiation skills Penelope was reinstated back into the FBI working solely from home. An office was built in her home, security outfitted to comply with clearance regulations. There were days when she was required to be in the office, and for those days she either brought Ari with her or Gideon watched her. He on more than one occasion had bailed her out of a tight spot. Ari loved her pseudo grandpa, and he adored her in return.

Things between her and Morgan had gotten less strained, and though they were in no way near to what they once were, they had made progress. After work each day he would come straight to Penelope's to spend time with Ari before she went down for the night. More often than not she expressed milk for Ari so that he could feed her before he put her to sleep. Penelope waited till he came home every night to give Ari a bath, so he could be a part of as much as he could be, so that he didn't feel as though he was missing out with her, which Derek knew and appreciated.

"Hey P, I brought dinner." He called out as he entered her home. She had long since given him a key to her place, though he respected the undefined conditions.  
"Oh hey thanks. I haven't even thought about dinner. Did you get the latest case file?" she asked as she emerged from Ari's room carrying Ari in her arms. Often it caught him off guard how beautiful she was, dressed in her favourite pair of jeans and t shirt with her hair up on a messy pony tail, walking around barefoot. For someone who had given birth, she was smaller than what she was before she was pregnant. Derek realised she no longer hid behind the loud clothes and outrageous hair styles, there was definitely a signature funk to her style, but the Pen that returned from Paris, the mother of his daughter was finally happy with who she was and carried a confidence about who she is without hiding behind her Garcia persona.  
"Huh, yeah I did. Hotch wants to leave tomorrow morning."  
"Yeah, he asked me to go."  
"He did?" Derek asked surprised.  
"Yeah, he thinks with all the surveillance tapes I need to sift through it might be best to be there. I agree. I'm a little anxious to be leaving Ari, but it's not like I can bring her, though Hotch did offer."  
"Did you want me to see if I can get Mom to come down and stay with her?" he asked. It was no secret that Fran Morgan was besotted with her grand daughter. She has made multiple trips to Virginia just to spend time with her which Penelope enjoyed as Fran was Ari's only grandmother.  
"Funny you should say that because just as I was about to call you to run that thought by you she called to ask if she could come down in the next couple of weeks to visit Ari. When I told her about my conundrum she offered to come right away. Something tells me she already had her bags packed before she called."  
"That's my mother. Gramma's just crazy about you isn't she little Bug." He said as he greeted his daughter. Ari awarded him with a little giggle as he took her from Penelope.  
"So when does she arrive?" he asked.  
"In about an hour, Reid's going to pick her up. I tried to catch you before you left and Reid answered your phone and he offered to pick her up because he said you left your cell at work and he was going to drop it by here anyway."  
"Oh I didn't even realise. Hey princess you going to stay up for Gammie?" he asked,  
"I think it's the least we can do. It's your job to keep her awake till your Mom gets here. Did you get enough food to cover your Mom?"  
"Yeah, I couldn't decide so I got one of everything we liked." Penelope chuckled.

An hour later an excited knock came on the door. Derek and Penelope exchanged a knowing grin.  
"Is that your Gammie Lady bug? Shall we go see?" Derek peeped threw the hole and sure enough there stood his mother on the other side of the door with a grin on her face while Reid stood close behind.  
"It is Gammie." He said opening the door.  
"Awww, there's my little angel. How are you Sweetheart, did you miss Gammie?" Ari gurgled in response,  
"Close enough. Come to Gammie honey."  
"Hi Mom, I've missed you too." Derek said dryly as he handed his daughter over. Penelope laughed as she walked over to Fran to hug her hello.  
"Hi Fran, thanks so much for doing this. I really appreciate it."  
"Nonsense, I was looking for any excuse to hang out with my favourite grand daughter."  
"She's your only grand daughter Mom," Derek pointed out shaking his head.  
"Hey Reid, thanks for picking up Fran from the airport. Why don't you stay for dinner, Derek ordered for a whole third world country?"  
"Thanks Garcia, that would be cool." He answered sensing that Penelope wasn't all that comfortable with the family setting before her.

She loved Fran, and she loved having her around, but there was always that look of expectation and hope that was a little hard to take when there were no reinforcements. Normally one of the girls would be around to buffer, and at that point, it had to be Reid and he was more than happy to assist. Ever since she had returned they had begun to spend more time together, a sentiment all of them shared. Penelope was hardly ever without company, which she didn't mind as she had missed them as much as they had missed her.

"Boy Genius guess what I have for you, it came in the mail today." Pen handed him an A5 satchel. Reid puzzled opened the package, and his face lit up when he saw the very graphic comic book that he had been searching for and could not find.  
"How did you? Oh my gosh Garcia, how much do I owe you?"  
"You forget G-Man, I am the all knowing. You owe me nothing Kiddo. The look on your face was enough."  
"Really?" he asked still in shock,  
"Yeah hon. Enjoy it." Penelope said tousling his hair before she went to set the table. Fran looked at Derek and saw the longing in his face as he watched the woman he loved. Penelope's heart was bigger than anyone else she had ever met and she certainly understood why her guard was up when it came to Derek after his bad moment of judgement, but still she kept the hope in her alive that one day Penelope would realise just how much Derek loved her and believe in it.

Penelope woke early the next morning and changed her sheets so Fran could stay in her room while she was gone. Early the next morning still in the pyjamas and robe she crossed the hall with Fran arrived with Derek.  
"Fran, I've got a fresh pot of coffee brewing for when you're ready to be awake. I've changed the sheets in my room for you, there's food in the fridge and cupboards, please help yourself to anything. My home is your home. I've been expressing and freezing milk for Ari, there should be enough to last you the week, I'll keep track and if I think we're going to be there longer I might need you to alternate between formula and my milk. Emergency numbers are on the fridge. Speed dial 1 is my cell phone and 2 is Derek, 3 is Hotch, 4 is Jajyje, and she'd be the best bet if you can't reach any of us as she is the one who is always reachable."  
"Got it, don't worry. We'll be fine." Penelope looked at her daughter longingly, not ready to part with her,  
"P, we gotta go." Derek said gently as she nodded knowingly.  
"Bye Monkey, Mommy loves you, up to the moon and back again." She whispered as she hugged her sleeping daughter close with tears in her eyes.  
"Say bye to Daddy," she said handing her over to Derek,  
"You take care of Gammie okay, and you have fun getting spoilt rotten. We'll be back soon. Love you Lady bug." He said softly kissing her on the forehead before placing her in Fran's arms. Penelope dropped another kiss on her daughters head and Fran's cheek before forcing herself out the door.

The drive to the office was a quiet one and Derek knew that she was struggling to be apart from their daughter indefinitely. He almost wanted to ask Hotch if it was really necessary for her to be there, but he knew Hotch wouldn't have asked unless it was vital. Derek placed a hand over hers and gave it a gentle squeeze when they arrived. Penelope looked up surprised not realising that she had closed her eyes.

They briefed on the plane to Florida and Penelope had switched on the moment they got out of Derek's car. She was focused and on the ball as they briefed. When they landed and disbursed to their own assignments, she, Emily and Rossi headed for the Mall where the surveillance cameras were. Derek and Reid had the dump sight, while JJ and Hotch went to the precinct to meet with the sheriff.

Penelope knew it was going to be a long day and possibly night ahead of her as she realised just how much footage there was to sift through. They had given her one of the offices near the Communications room to sort through the footages, and there she was for hours, only moving when it got to uncomfortable and realised she needed to express. She had called Fran a couple of times that day just to check on Ari who was apparently doing well in her absence.

Hotch had come in to check on her a couple of hours later with lunch on hand, finding her rubbing her temples.  
"You okay Penelope?"  
"Yeah Boss Man, it's just getting monotonous and frustrating not finding anything. I keep thinking I'm missing something so I go back and try again."  
"Take a break. I brought you lunch, Em, Dave, JJ, Morgan and Reid are coming in shortly with their lunch, we'll debrief and go through what we have."  
"Thanks," she said taking the sandwich and juice from Hotch. He handed her an apple and presented her a cookie.  
"Aww, you thought of everything." She said with a smile.  
"I try. Call it lesson learned. I now know better than not to present Emily with food without something sweet for dessert."  
"Dare I ask how you learnt that lesson?"  
"Let's just say, the hard way shall we?" Penelope laughed knowingly. Emily Prentiss was known for her sugar addiction.

Penelope was keeping it together particularly well, and they were all keeping an extra out on her. It helped that she keep and eye on Ari with a click of a finger. There was a web cam set up in Ari's room and in the lounge room. Every so often Fran would bring her closer to the camera so Penelope could get a better look. They put Skype into good use when Ari fussed looking for her,

"Hey Mommy's Monkey are you being good for Gammie?" as soon as she heard her voice Ari stopped fussing,  
"There's a good girl. Mommy's just here Sweetheart. She misses you too."

She had set up the laptop in Ari's room so that Fran could turn Skype on so that she could hear Ari and Ari could hear her in the night time in case she woke up and just needed to hear her voice.

"Do you hear that?" Jayje asked hearing Penelope's voice. Emily grinned looking at the time.  
"Ari must've woken up." Penelope was in the bathroom with her laptop singing her daughter back to sleep.

Derek who also had the same set up on his laptop had caught on their first night away. He had gone to the bathroom in the middle of the night and heard his daughter stirring. He was about to say something when he heard Penelope's voice,

"Hey Monkey, what's up? Mommy misses you very much." He watched as Ari tried to converse with her mother with her gurgling, obviously happier that he had heard her voice.  
"Now you be good and try not to wake Gammie okay. Shall we sing you your song? Will that help you sleep my love?" Derek smiled,  
"Well okay, I guess it is about that time in the night for our special song. I'm guessing that's why you're awake. Okay little one, here we go…

_Baby mine, don't you cry._

_Baby mine, dry your eyes._

_Rest your head close to my heart,_

_never to part, baby of mine._

_Little one, when you play,_

_pay no heed what they say._

_Let your eyes sparkle and shine,_

_never a tear, baby of mine._

_Baby mine, don't you cry._

_Baby mine, dry your eyes._

_Rest your head close to my heart,_

_never to part, baby of mine." _

Before she sung the last line, their daughter was fast asleep. Every night she sang to her, and every night he waited to hear her.

"You can stop pretending you don't hear me do that every night Derek. I know you're there, you forget I am the all knowing." She said chuckling,  
"Sorry Baby Girl, I didn't mean to intrude." He apologised.  
"It's okay, you were bound to hear it some day. It's the only thing that calms her down sometimes."  
"You're awesome with her P. Most days I feel like I'm short changing her."  
"Don't say that, you're a great father and she's lucky to have you."  
"Thanks P. You better get some sleep."  
"You too, hopefully we break this case tomorrow so we can go home to our little girl."  
"That's for sure. Night P."  
"Night Derek."


	13. Chapter 13

"Dah!" Ari gurgled happily as Derek entered Penelope's apartment.  
"Hey Lady bug, are you happy to see Daddy? Did you miss me Little One?" he asked smiling heading towards his daughter who was bouncing in her play pen.  
"It's gas." Penelope teased as she came out of her office holding a file  
"You wound me Pen!" he declared in mock hurt.  
"You'll live. Hey are you okay to hang with her a bit while I get some work done? She refused to go down for a nap so we've been playing all afternoon. Isn't that right Monkey?" Penelope said to her daughter who was holding her arms up demanding freedom from her cage. Derek picked her up and blew raspberries on her stomach, as she giggled in delight.  
"Sure P, go on ahead. I'll cook tonight, you cooked last night."  
"You sure?" she asked.  
"Yeah, all good. I'll raid your fridge and see what I can whip up."  
"I took out the stuff for Spaghetti, otherwise if you're feeling more adventurous, more power to you. Thanks hey, I appreciate it. I have to run all these random stats for the other team."  
"Spaghetti sounds great. You take your time. Bug and I will find some way to entertain ourselves."  
"Stay away from finger paints!" she warned.  
"Am I never going to live that one down?" he protested.  
"Not in my lifetime." Penelope said with a chuckle as she headed back into the office. They had designed for the whole wall to her office to be made of glass so that she can see right through to the lounge room while she was working.

She allowed herself a moment to look over at Derek and watch him play with their daughter. Time was flying by so fast, and Ari continued to grow and grow, she would be a year old in a few short weeks, and though Penelope and Derek were no where near what they once were, they had come a long way. In a lot of ways, their bond had strengthened, as parents they were partners one hundred percent. They worked on the principle that they were Ari's parents first, and anything else, came after that. He regained her trust, and they had become closer, but he was well aware that she was still closed off to the possibility of anything more with him. Every so often, when they're watching a DVD on her couch after they had put Ari to bed and she's allow him to drape an arm around her. He wondered if the walls were finally breaking. In the almost ten months that they had been back, Penelope was acutely aware that Derek did not date and spent most if not all his time in her apartment hanging out with her and her daughter. JJ and Emily had often asked if she had changed her mind about the possibility of them, but the answer was always "I can't".

She couldn't help but smile as he kept their daughter entertained as he got dinner ready, giving her a play by play of what he was doing, changing his voice and making faces as he did which certainly amused Ari to no end, her giggle carrying out through the apartment. Derek could see her in the corner of his eye watching with a smile on her face, it was one of those sacred moments when she doesn't think he sees her and her guards are down, and she allows herself to just feel her emotions as they come without filtering.

"Hey P, dinner's ready. What did you want me to put together for the monkey?"  
"Thanks, I made her some mashed potatoes and carrots, she seems partial to that combination at the moment. It's in one of her food containers in the fridge."  
"Got it, you cool to eat in ten?" he asked.  
"Yeah, sounds good. I'm almost all done here."

As they do every night, they give Ari a bath before putting her to bed.  
"Pink and Purple stripes or Pink Butterflies Monkey?" Penelope asked holding up two pyjamas to her daughter as Derek expertly snapped on the diaper. Ari pointed to her right as though fully understanding what her mother meant,  
"Butterflies it is." Penelope confirmed handing the pyjamas to Derek.  
"So sweetness, I think it's Daddy's night to sing you a song." Penelope said with a grin. Ari, for some reason was rather musical and enjoyed a lullaby or any type of song to be sung to her, especially before bedtime. This Derek discovered one night when Pen had gone out with the girls and forgot to tell him that he had to sing to Ari or she howled when you put her down. She had called hours later after remembering, but luckily he had figured it out. Derek rolled his eyes, before rocking their little girl in his arms.

"Goodnight, sweetheart, well, it's time to go,  
Goodnight, sweetheart, well, it's time to go,  
I hate to leave you, but I really must say,  
Goodnight, sweetheart, goodnight."

Penelope kissed the top of her daughter's head murmuring an "I love you" before leaving Father and Daughter with their song. Derek found her on the couch twenty minutes later reading a case file.

"Tough case?" he asked.  
"Aren't they all?" she replied with a sigh. Derek sat beside her on the couch and patted her knee comfortingly.  
"You've been doing this long enough to know that it doesn't get easier."  
"I know. Your Mom called today with her flight details for Ari's birthday. She's arriving a few days before your sisters so she can, and I quote 'maximise her time with her favourite grand daughter'." Derek laughed,  
"Why is that not at all surprising to me."  
"I'm glad Ari has her, I mean Gideon and Rossi make great Grandpa's but I'm glad she had a Gramma too."  
"You too tired for a movie?" he asked.  
"Nope, are you?" Derek shook his head. Their movie time after putting Ari down for the night was one of the high lights of his day. He looked forward to their time together. Depending on the movie, they usually talked through it and held their own commentary, making it more enjoyable.

Their friends watched from afar, hoping and praying that the day would come when Penelope would allow herself to feel what she's trying so hard to deny herself. Derek had long since earned their trust and support, and they were confident that he was in it for the long haul. It was down to Penelope, and as hard as she tried, they all knew that her resolve was starting to come undone, and when it was time, Derek was determined to be there.


	14. Chapter 14

"Can you believe she's a year old?" Penelope said in wonder as they put her down to sleep. Amelia Rose Isobel Garcia Morgan celebrated her first birthday that afternoon surrounded by everyone who loved her.  
"I know, time's flown by so quickly. Every day I marvel at how much I love her, and how it just continues to grow and grow. A part of me almost wants to keep her this small forever, at the same time I am just excited to see what kind of person she's going to be." He confessed. Penelope placed a hand over his and gave it a squeeze.  
"I know, me too. Change is a daily occurrence, sometimes I struggle to keep up."  
"P, you're amazing with her. Motherhood becomes you."  
"You're a pretty awesome Daddy yourself there Morgan."  
"Did you ever think that this is where we would be?" he asked.  
"Parents to a little girl, no not really." She admitted. Though she had allowed herself to fantasize about possibilities when they were friends, it just never fully developed into anything remotely realistic  
"Sometimes I wonder how we got here, and then I remember. I have no regrets because we got something amazing out of it, but I wish I could have done it right you know, the way you deserve to have had it unfold." Penelope gave him a soft smile, they had come a long way in almost a year.  
"For what it's worth, I know and I appreciate that."  
"I just hate that a part of you will always hate me, that you will never trust me."  
"Hey," she said taking his hand and leading them out of their daughter's room. She led him to the couch and sat beside him  
"Derek, I don't hate you. I have never hated you. You need to hear that." She said cupping his face with her hand as she spoke right into his soul. Derek's eyes began to fill with tears.  
"I was angry yes, hurt, completely, on guard, understandably so, but however strong the emotion I felt, it has never been hate. Ever, I promise you. As for the trust thing, you have to understand you were my best friend, with the exception of JJ, Emily and now Hotch, you're the only one who ever really saw through me. That's something I naturally did without even knowing, and being as guarded as I am, about my life, you have to know how scary that was, and to have it blow up in my face, well you're going to have to give me that." Penelope dropped her gaze momentarily before looking back at him  
"I trust you with our daughter's life, I trust that you will always keep her safe, love her beyond measure and protect her from any harm that may come her way. I trust you with the decisions you make in relation to her."  
"But you don't trust me," he challenged,  
"I may not trust you the same way, but I do trust you Derek. I never thought I ever could again, but this past year, through everything we've endured, despite my efforts to the contrary, I started trusting you again. We wouldn't be having this discussion otherwise." He understood that she was putting herself out on the limb telling him what she was telling him. Derek laced his fingers through hers,  
"P, I need you to know, I love you. I have always loved you. That morning together scared me, I have never loved anyone as much as I loved and love you. I was an idiot for what I did and I will always regret that, but my feelings haven't changed, if it was even possible, my love for you has only grown. I want to spend the rest of my life with you P. Raising our daughter, having more kids, if they're anything like Ari, let's have a dozen. I want to spend the rest of my life proving to you that I am worthy of your love. I know you're scared and I don't blame you, but hand on heart P, my heart belongs to you, and I don't see it changing it's mind in this lifetime and possibly the next." Penelope chuckled as she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. Derek took her face with both hands and wiped the tears on her cheeks with his thumb, caressing it gently. Penelope leaned her forehead against his,  
"I couldn't survive that again Derek. I barely did the last time and I have Ari to consider now too."  
"Please P, give me a chance. Give us a chance to be the family I know both of us want to be."  
"Okay," she said so quietly he had almost missed it, as he looked into her eyes he could see the fear and vulnerability that lay behind them. Derek covered her lips with in a meaningful kiss as tears flowed from both their eyes. Derek gathered her in his arms as she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck burying her face against his chest.  
"I love you P."  
"I love you too."

_**Okay, this angst is officially over. Happy Ending… my gift to you. **_

_**I have assignments and exams coming up so I am trying to wrap everything up so that should I disappear from the fan fiction world, I haven't left you guys hanging. Now if only I can discipline myself from starting things! =)**_


End file.
